TransAmericanika

Texting

2009-04-24T22:42:00.000-07:00

So first click here (it's not really necessary to read everything just skim for basic ideas):

http://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/7-essential-rules-of-texting-vt12230.html

My first theory from reading this is chivalry is like dinosaurs and didn't disappear but rather evolved, taking the form of heightened paranoia infused douchebaggery. But we haven't the time so, more generally, texting. How the hell did we get the text message? I text all the time, yet I hate it. A form of communication that actually slows a message down while adding ambiguity. Its just barely better than smoke signals.

I miss when phone calls were the way of avoiding confrontation and rejection.

Irony, Red Sox & Earth Day

2009-04-22T20:44:00.000-07:00

In order to celebrate Earth Day, the Red Sox wore completely new uniforms onto the field. This doesn't make much sense practically speaking- or sensibly speaking really. They could have very easily REDUCED the amount of material used by REUSING any of the different jerseys they already have. Might I suggest RECYCLING the St. Patty's Day one- everyone was too drunk to remember what it was anyhoo.

I'm not really angry at all, in fact I think there is a very good argument out there about how just getting people aware of the issue far outweighs the extra embrodery. But, by the same token, I think it's worth evaluating what it says about us. A great deal of marketing revolves around the perception of supporting a good, often highly politisized, issue. Take Whole Foods for instance, don't we all feel better- more active more concered- when we're in there because they have a blue trash can for recyclables? Who knows if anything is being done (and I hope it is) but yet I associate Whole Foods with being concerned and connected. The Red Sox applied the same principle tonight. All in all though, congratuations on the 7-3 win. Also importnat to note, the game wasn't rained out either so mother nature was apparently appeased by the counterintuitive display.

Tank Tops

2009-04-21T18:18:00.001-07:00

Summer is just around the bend. Well I hope anyway, this whole April showers bring May flowers- not as cute as it sounds. What I am very excited for, however, is the kick-off of tank top season, sometimes known as summer. I'm not talking about the spaghetti straps, letting-it-ALL-hang-out kind, but a simple, sporty, classy tank top. Look how comfortable this lady above is. She is the embodiment of simple yet unexpectedly sexy, right?

I can't wait for summer when I can walk around the Charles in jeans and a tank top, a black one maybe blue if I am feeling a little more spicy, listening to music and dare I say getting a tan. As it's April 21, in a month this dream may (get it?) just about be a reality!

I was too obvious

2009-04-14T22:31:00.000-07:00

Today I spent 8 hours in the library to finish a 5 page paper that I had already done all the research for. When I came home it took me an hour an 15 minutes and like that I was done with my last college assignment.

This posting isn't about complaining over writing this paper- it was actually a very interesting topic, but instead sheer disappointment over my poor acting. I wasn't fooling anyone, especially myself, it's obvious why I took so long to write something so perfunctory. I didn't want to say good-bye and I didn't want it to be over.

I am going to miss the stress and the worry the most. I'm going to crave the anxiety that makes how much I care salient and tangible. I've spent years personifying stress so he'll push me harder and remind me where I'm going. It feels as though with out that next deadline I'm going to lose track of time. With out time I don't have goals and with out goals I have no way of defining myself.

I was too obvious about why I spent 8 hours in the library. I'm not ready to let go.

Good Old War - Coney Island

2009-04-11T12:02:00.000-07:00

Good Old War - Coney Island from If You Make It on Vimeo.

Through my blog surfing, I came across the Pink Couch Sessions. I enjoyed Coney Island by Good Old War the most. I'm surprised that I like them, because they sound very country. I like their vocals, harmonies and lyrics. Natalie just said they sound very 90s alternative, which I think it describes it well. I wish I could see them live. Unfortunately, they will be in Philly when I am on a bus en route home. If I was at home in May, I would drive to Asbury Park to see them at the Stone Pnony. I don't think it's worth it to go to Providence tonight to see them at RISD. Hopefully they will come to Boston soon.

This blog stinks

2009-04-11T11:57:00.000-07:00

Our blog stinks.
I guess we'll just have to be content with being interesting in real life.

Fmylife.com

2009-03-09T20:39:00.000-07:00

Hello!

This is my first posting ever, very exciting moment for me. With that said there are a couple of things to get through first before I can go on with my blogging, in the bloggoshere (look at me with the jargon, if I hadn't been so up front you wouldn't have even known...)

1. Hi, my name is Malery

2. I completely lack the cultural forte of my co-bloggers- well master bloggers, really, let us not kid ourselves- I am an apprentice at best.

3. This first blog will be entirely unfunny. Quite possibly uninteresting. Its sort of like how I wear a trash bag on first dates and then refuse to engage in conversation. This way if I ever do anything you're both surprised and pleased!

Onward!

I recently discovered this new website fmylife.com. I discovered it like most great discoveries, someone telling me (Hey Columbus go thatta way and you'll get the second Monday of October named after you...Every year) It was like that. So anyway I went to fmylife.com and if you haven't been, you must. It's hilarious.

What was pointed out to me was that, impurically at least, it shouldn't be funny. Many the posts are quite depressing and the website is acutally short for fuck my life (don't put too much thought into what that would literally mean). Why in the world should I find that interesting?

Then it dawned on me- while I can't personally relate to many of these stories, I never have walked in on my English and Math teacher getting it on (French and Biology- much different) I can relate to the very human aspect behind them. Our entire lives we are told stories about "humanity" but because as we get older and they aren't as far fetched as Snow White not realizing the improbablity of forest creatures following her about, we think they might be true. But lets face it, movies, songs (blogs?) still only like to tell stories with happy endings, or at the very least the very token of YOU caring about them makes it important and somehow breaths life and hope into the story, which in all fairness isn't the way life really works.

Which brings me back to fmylife.com. Dispite how sad some may be or predicatble or painful, those people are sharing their stories, and they are sharing them because of some intangible human consciousness. Just knowing, somehow, that everyone can relate to that eek feeling.

-Malery

Music-Love Adventures

2009-02-08T12:11:00.001-08:00

Last week some time, Ruthanne launched her epic operation to organize show-going. It was intense: there were emails, phone calls, lists, price tallies, and entire pages set aside in her planner. There was some serious thinking ahead going on here.

At first, of course, there was resistance, skepticism, and flakiness on my part. Planning?! I would think uncomfortably. Thinking ahead??? I hesitated committing to ten whole dollars for a ticket. And did I want to go see Tapes n Tapes or Ben Kweller, who were both playing on the same night.

Still, though, last Saturday I embarked on an epic troll with through Cambridge plucking tickets from the hands of bored hipster box office employees and braving the cruel February wind, all for the promise of live music, Ruthatalie adventures.

And a Ruthatalie adventure there was - Passion Pit came to the Middle East friday night, amid the thunderous excitement that can only belong to the band's hometown crowd, raucously celebrating the return of their musical beloveds. We'd seen Passion Pit a year ago at NU, but even in that short time, there was a marked change to the atmosphere, the look, the presence of the band. Wow, I thought. I've been in Hawaii for a while.

We left right after the encore, and grabbed the bus before the crowd, spinning over the dark nighttime waters of the Charles, peaceful in our silent, uncrowded bus, comfortable in that dried-sweat after-show freshness feel.

Not a bad way to start off Operation Ruthanne's Neuroticism.

1 down; and counting.

The only funny part about last night

2009-02-08T09:36:00.000-08:00

Last night, Natalie and I got dressed to go to a "Would you still be friends with me if I wore this" Northeastern party and instead when to some Truly Hardcore Metal Hipster party in Allston.......AND fit in perfectly.

This Truly Hardcore Metal Hipster party in Allston would have had the Northeastern 'hipsters' shaking in their little brightly colored Bodega shoes. It's what the Music Industry classes don't teach you.

To be fair, we fit in as well as Jemaine Clement at a frat party (before FOTC becomes hip with the bros), so I guess not at all. We left enlightened, came home, and ate girl scout cookies.

Matt & Kim: Daylight Music Video

2009-01-27T11:06:00.000-08:00

Since Natalie and I are currently living in the same room, and no longer "transamericanika" from each other, we will probably post even less frequently than we had before. Instead of trying to coordinate long distance phone calls with a 5-6 hour time difference in between us, we can now just say something like, "HEY! Come over to my side of the room and look at this!" or have lengthy discussions late at night about the movies that we will someday make.

Anyway, last week Natalie introduced me to the band Matt & Kim. She said they were like an edgier Mates of State. I have had their song, "Daylight" on repeat ever since. Today I finally looked up the music video to it, and it is incredibly adorable. It's the kind of music video that would make Natalie depressed, which means it's pretty awesome, and she needs to see it anyway!

I hope to see them when they come to Boston on March 22nd! Fingers crossed!

Lion in Winter

2008-12-09T22:53:00.000-08:00

Should I get this for my birthday si o no?

Coolest kid ever or biggest freak on campus?

Find it here

Forget alcohol, THIS is the best 21st birthday gift ever. Haha!

Spending my youth worrying about numbers and letters

2008-12-09T20:31:00.000-08:00

I am so stressed out. I am a champion procrastinator. Finals are so stressful. I can't concentrate. I can't be happy about anything until next Friday when this is all over. I am going home this weekend to recharge and focus on my studies. I just want at least one A or A- this semester, but who knows if that's going to happen. So close, but so far away. Everything is about the number, the percentage, the letter, the GPA, stuff that doesn't even matter in real life.

Concentrate forty-eight.

Sofia Coppola can do no wrong

2008-12-07T19:09:00.000-08:00

There is something about the artistic aesthetic of Sofia Coppola that makes me want to melt into her dreamworld of pastel-sugary goodness. Who doesn't want to live in a world of colorful macarons, wind blown hair, and pretty dresses?

This is a commerical that Sofia directed for Christian Dior's Miss Cherie fragrance.

I do love this commercial, however, I couldn't help thinking of this when I was watching it.

It actually snowed a little bit in Boston today and it made me excited, but after seeing this I long for a pretty summer day in France! Or, actually what am I talking about - I long for a sun-kissed winter vacation Hawaii.....14 days!!

(Sofia Coppola deserves a much larger post than this, but as per usual I am procrastinating studying).

Unattainable Perfect Hair...

2008-12-02T22:59:00.001-08:00

...whether it's on indie rock stars or cartoon characters.

Two images found online in two days:

Dress Up

2008-11-27T22:29:00.000-08:00

I am currently at home for Thanksgiving, and I have a really big craving to go thrift shopping. Forget the mall on Black Friday, Goodwill is where it's at! However, there are two things keeping me from going out shopping. 1) I don't really have time 2) I am trying to save all my money for winter break when I go on vacation to visit Natalie in Hawaii and then we go San Francisco. Our B&B is on Haight Street for goodness' sake! I need to save my money!

Also, I really don't need more clothes. As a general rule for myself, I am trying to wear the clothes that I already own more instead of buying new ones. Even with Newberry Street 300 miles away, I still should not break that rule.

Then, I remembered that I have a closet filled with vintage/thrifted clothes from high school that I don't wear for various reasons: they are too outrageous, I just I didn't wear them when I had them with me when I was at school, etc., etc. To appease my want to go shopping, I decided to scrounge through my cloest and play dress up with the clothes I already have. Here are the results:

First, I found this dress:

I got it from an estate sale that my parents went to. Nice floral pattern.

Wait! Let's let my hair down, and add some leggings.

Then, let's add an over-sized cardigan and some throwback attitude, and voila! An outfit! I am bringing this dress back to Boston with me to wear.

This is one of my mom's old peasant tops. Alas, it has a stain down the middle. It is also a little too short.

Look at the cute detail on the back:

This is a bag that I found in Philadelphia near South Street. I love it so much that I don't want to ruin it, so I don't use it, so in my room it stays.

It also makes a good hat.

Hey, I remember this coat! This was actually my winter coat in high school. I got it at a church rummage sale on the main street of my town. Why did I stop wearing this? Oh yeah, I stopped fitting into it...but it fits again! woo hoo!

Maybe I should bring it back to Boston? It's not really that warm enough for the harsh Boston winters...

I love this sweater! I call it my "Pretty in Pink Sweater." It may be hard to tell by the pictures but the pink and purple are so dated. It hurts your eyes when you look at it and pairing it with an appropriate bottom is hard. It doesn't even semi-match with anything I own. Oh, maybe because it's not 1983.

This is me trying to look sultry.

This is me trying to look innocent.

I know what you're thinking.
Ruthanne, this post is missing sequins. Well, don't worry! Here they are:

Once I saw this in the thrift store, and I couldn't leave it there.

How could you?

Or this?

This is also another dress from the estate sale.

No outfit is complete without Madeline.

She's not as into it as I am.

Oh, appendix.

Another dress also from the estate sale. I don't think I could get away with wearing this around.

Maybe with some sassy attitude? No, probably not.

Last but not least, this is one of my favorite skirts:

I got this in high school when I sometimes wore funky stuff like this, but it didn't really fit in with my style at college. I tried it on but again, but something is still off... I love the sailboat pattern though.

Wait, what if we pull it up a little? And add leggings?

And add a belt!

And a cardigan! We definitely have something here.

Yay! Another thing to bring back to Boston!

This dress up session was very fun and successful. I was able to remince and add some things to my wardrobe. Also, most importantly, I still have more money for swimming with sea lions and shopping on Haight Street!

Satan or the lack thereof

2008-11-24T03:32:00.001-08:00

This post is based on a conversation I had once with Ruthanne during the period when I was sleeping on her floor like a bum. I had just returned from Ghana and, having nowhere to lay my little head, showed up with wide, moist eyes at Ruthanne's lovely new Burstein dorm. Freshly misted by the early summertime Boston air, hands red from carting luggage over continents and oceans, and clothes suspiciously pungent from a month in the third world, I was impossible to turn away. Like a puppy, or someone else's toddler, or that second (and sometimes third!) serving of double chocolate mousse, she looked me in the eye and attempted to do the prudent thing (slam the door in my face), but ultimately - conquered by purity of heart - forced a smile and stepped aside.

I settled in for a delightful week of leeching, enjoying the feeling of getting up late, going out to eat with Mal and Rue, and prancing around campus during the days without any particular need to be anywhere. Also fascinating was the possibility of viewing Rueallery in their natural habitat - something I've always found delightfully fascinating. I love seeing if a person I thought I knew so well leaves a pile of dirty clothes perpetually humped in a corner, or goes through the trouble and money to actually purchaes a toothbrush holder. Do they rely on the great brown-box-scrounge each semester when it's time to clean out their dorm room, or is everything always neatly packed away in plastic Bed, Bath, and Beyond crates that have been with them since freshman year? What do they do right before they go to bed? Are there jokes made during dinner? Is life more like How I Met Your Mother or Flight of the Conchords? There are always delightful things to learn.

One night I was, inexplicably, drifting off to sleep before Ruthanne. I say inexplicably, because there was really no reason for me to be feeling sleepy at all, considering my idle life. She, on the other had, had work full-time that she went to, hours before I even managed to drag myself up from her comfy air bed, and rustle around her kitchen, making myself elaborate, hour-long breakfasts. Groggily awakening, seeing only the timid little light coming from her computer, I determined that she was a watching a movie too riveting to abandon for slumber. Being to obsessive, borderline mentally-unhealthy movie-watcher that I am, I shoved the quilts over my ears, refusing to see even of a glimpse of a movie that I was tuning in to half-way through. I hummed maniacally in my head like a child with a history of abuse, or a dolphin trying to communicate underwater.

The next morning, again awakening to dreamy crisp New England-aired solitude, I was alarmed to see that the video case atop Rue's computer was Rosemary's Baby. Ruthanne, I was pretty sure, had at one point told me to turn down the commercials for the lates Saw installment, because scary movie previews frighten her. I started to panic for her own fragile mental well-being. I myself had never seen Rosemary's Baby but I remember traumatic accounts of my mother explaining the entire plot to preteen-me. It sounded much worse than the Excorcist, and there were scenes in the Excorcist (namely, bloody crucifix-masturbation scene) that I felt fairly certain would traumatize Ruthanne into a lifelong muteness.

Ruthanne finally returned home to find me in a writhing wreck, half out of concern for her, and half with my own wild, torturous imaginings of what it must have been like to watch Rosemary's Baby at midnight in a completely dark room when everyone else is asleep. She seemed very confused with my concern and I began to think that there were TWO Rosemary's Baby's - one about devil-rape, and another about, like, a happy little baby elf or something. No, she said. There was devil rape. I demanded she tell me the plot, and the reiteration of a story that frightened me so much just by hearing it, said in such a matter-of-fact tone confused me. Was she already traumatized? Repressed? Am I just going insane?

We eventually discovered that Rue - being Jewish - doesn't really accept the concept of the devil. So stories about the devil coming and wreaking his anti-christ havoc don't ring close to home with her at all! It was fascinating. I mean, I never considered myself very religious, and certainly wouldn't have thought that how I react to scary movies was shaped by my spiritual upbringing. I would have considered that any role catholocism played in that perception came from the culture i was brought up in as a whole, a culture that had, as a whole, indirectly absorbed aspects of Catholocism.

The devil to me is the quintessential evil, evil concentrated, evil incarnate. The greatest scourge on all existence and goodness. To Rue, it's just another made-up boogeyman story. See what you learn about people when you sleep on their floor?

The Grass is Always Greener

2008-11-11T22:49:00.001-08:00

I have a bad case of the Wintertime Blues.

"Winter times blues?" you say, "Why Ruthanne, it's only November!"

What can I say? Winter has come early for me this year. When sun starts setting at 3 PM, my whole mentality changes. In my head I become I creature of the night, craving a ray of sunshine. The nights are so long. I start listening to more Cat Power and Bright Eyes, rather than Mates of State and Stars (summer music). Perhaps I could twist the idea of long nights into something mysterious, cool, and adventurous but I'm just not in the mood to. My days are spent in class and working, my nights spent studying or procastinating studying and then worrying that I'm not studying enough. No time to be creative or go for walks. I should start going to bed and waking up earlier.

The coldness has really hit me hard this fall, too. I am not ready to feel chilled to the bone yet! I have said this many times, but on behalf of the city of Boston, I would like to challenge Chicago as being the "Windy City." Brrrr.

When I start thinking how I'm not ready for winter, start becoming really nostalgic for this past summer, and I'm not really sure why. This past summer was one of the loneliest periods of my life. I was in a large city with all of friends thousands of miles away.

I think I miss the warmth of the sun that stayed out till 8PM. Or the flowers in the flower beds and leaves on the trees. Or that I had a HUGE bedroom all to myself (miss you Burstein 311, room B!!!!). Actually, most of the time I didn't have just a bedroom to myself, but a whole apartment too. My roommate worked long hours and was hardly at home. At the time, my apartment's vacancy depressed me. Now I crave for some quite in my apartment.

It may have sounded like I was having fun when I called you on the weekends when I was forming superficial party-friend relationships and making a utter fool out of myself, but it wasn't always fun (although I believe I had more than a few people laughing at me).

During the week, I spent a lot of time in my room, by myself. To keep myself busy, I would go to the gym, and go for walks around the Fens and the Charles River. I would write in my journal. It was nice to have that free time to myself, but I often wished I was walking with someone, or talking to someone instead of writing.

One thing that is very telling about how much free time I had in the summer was that I was totally on top of my laundry and my groceries. Every two weeks I would go grocery shopping. I knew exactly what items I needed and how much money I would spend. I did my laundry every week, and never ran out of clean clothes. Now, in the rush of fall, last week I survived off of cheese crackers and granola bars because I haven't gone grocery shopping in over a month and I hate spending so much money eating out. I have yet to resort to bathing suit bottoms as underwear, but the semester isn't over yet.

Is it hard to tell which time is better for me, summer or winter? It is for me. I had hoped to make a more definitive comparison, but I think my conclusions are very telling of how jumbled my mind is.

Please know that I really miss you and Krupa, if you didn't get that sentiment from me already. My trip to see you in HAWAII in December will be my reward to a stressful, bummer of a semester. I can't wait till everyone is back in Boston!

I have been procrastinating writing in this blog. I feel unmotivated and that I have nothing worthy to say. Every time I write an entry, I stop half way through because I feel what I write is complete crap. Should I put on a happy facade? Should I really complain about my privileged life as a college student? Boo-fucking-hoo.

I promise my next entry will be better.

Music, Growth

2008-10-27T23:57:00.000-07:00

There are concrete reasons why I believe that I am mentally fixated. That I haven't bridged some important stage of development that most people bridge at, say, 11. That I am a victim of arrested development; that I am not fit for this world; that I am a child.

One is that I am horribly, incurably, egocentric.

I always thought this was only something that, like Veronica Lodge is (Archie comics? Anyone?) Except I'm Veronica without money and stunning beauty. It's like I got all the lame parts of the Riverdale females.

In psychology, however we learned that egocentrism is a term they use for the mindset of little kids. We put, for example, a little stuffed bear and stuff owl on opposite ends of a book, but so the kid could see both and asked if Bear and Owl could see each other (were their little stuffed bodies filled with anything other than cotton, they wouldn't have been able to see each other). They kid would reply 'Yes'. I mean, if I can see it, they reason, THEY must be able to. Me, me, me.

Anyway, that's how I think of the world developing. Like me. I mean, if I developed like this, THEY must have. Me, me, me.

I must have listened to music before fifth grade, but it musn't have really impacted me because I don't remember. Other than my sister's Troll Radio tape. Man, that was sweet. Those little diamond-navel-ed trolls running a radio show and doing troll-ized versions of hits like La Bamba??? Sweet, sweet, sweetness.

But in fifth grade, it was all about the Nsync. And the backstreet boys. 98 Degrees and I had a brief flirtation, but we parted pretty soon. Spice Girls rocked it for a while too. I think of it as the Age of Poppy Bands. I feel like they dominated the world! Because, I mean, they dominated mine.

When my hip sister got into things like Mxpx and Blink-182, my tastes shifted a bit. I didn't ever go the hip hop/r&b route. Interestingly enough, I find this a very logical step. Blink and Backstreet both are hook-y, catch-y. They're about boppin', you know. God, I'm sure I just pissed off a thousand people comparing those two.

In middle school, I also got into the mainstream radio alternative fare: stuff like Tonic, Nickelback, Third Eye Blind, Nine Days, Vertical Horizon. I remember thinking they were edgier than the pop fare I was used to. Deeper. There were, like, emotions. And thoughts. They challenged the world!

In eighth grade, the advent of the internet and my own growing awareness of peer pressure 'the cool kids' nudged me into exploring things that weren't so 'lame and mainstream'. The first non-mainstream band I got into was The Detachment Kit. I still think they're awesome. They still hold a special place in my heart. When the iStore came out, I rebought all their songs from They Raging. Quiet Army. I lost CDs a lot. The next were Source Tags and Codes by And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead (I know, I know - but trust me, they're amazing), The Argument, by Fugazi, and The Glow Pt. 2 by the Microphones. Emergency and I by the Dismemberment Plan soon followed. I remember that flush of excitement - being in a new frontier, really opening myself up completely in a way I hadn't before that - hadn't really thought to, actually - and actually, hardly have since.

It was just so NEW. New things were being challenged, not just the content of the lyrics, but the whole structure of the song! The way the music was made! What even constituted music! It's similar to the way I felt when I discovered Stoppard and metafiction - these guys were, to me, metamusicians. And that made the music all the more memorable.

Sometimes I think that I've actually regressed in my exploration. I have definite niches I go into - the easy-listening band that are-or-were-once indie kinds of things. (and indie: phew what a dangerous word to use nowadays!). Nice acousticy Joshua Radin stuff on one end, big-time rockers like YYY on the other, fluffy sort-of-weirds like Say Hi. In general; easy stuff.

I miss that feeling of new, that feeling of free. When I didn't know about what indie or weird-rock or even emo was - when I didn't know about categories and so couldn't put myself into one. When I couldn't trace the similarities and influence between bands, when I didn't know backgrounds, similar artists, label names, or hometowns - when none of that affected me except the raw - sometimes abrasive, always exciting - music. When I was a blank slate.

One of these days, I'm going to empty myself all over again. I'll listen to Strangelight for the first time. I'll watch Napolean Dynamite without knowing any of the jokes. I'll read Lord of the Flies and not know what's to come.

To be born again would be a beautiful, beautiful thing.

Today Will Be Better, I Swear!

2008-10-14T20:14:00.000-07:00

I know you're really busy right now with the Hawaii Film Festival, and I definitely feel overwhelmed with homework and preparing for my next co-op (ahhh!). In this time of stress, I advise you to take a 5 minute, 55 second break and wish you were in this music video.

Thank you so much for introducing me to Stars. They were definitely my go-to band of the summer.

Did you see the hanging planets in the background? WHAT NOW BOSTON UNIVERSITY?

And remember, do not let shampoo touch your hair ever and ALWAYS threaten to move to Berlin!

Miss you Natalie!

Bangin'

2008-09-25T20:04:00.000-07:00

For a long time, I have wanted bangs. I have begged and pleaded with my hair stylists:

"Give me bangs," I would say, "I want bangs. I need them."
"No," they would reply, "Your forehead is too small. They won't look good. Let's try the next best thing....side-swept bangs!"

So, for many years I settled with the ho-hum side-swept bangs. Some girls can really rock the side-swept. They look so cool, so chic. Me on the other hand.... I don't work them so well. Whenever I have them, they are never that short, and not really recognizable as true bangs. This is mainly because as soon as they get long enough, I shove them behind my ears. What I realized I really wanted was five-year-old, straight-across-the-forehead bangs.

This need was recently reinforced on my last visit home, when I came across some old pictures of myself.

"Gee," I thought, "Look at me! High-waisted shorts with the shirt tucked in, skinny legs, and bangs...I was more hip in'94!"

Exhibit A:

(On a side note, my dentist used to take polaroid pictures of all the kids who would come get their teeth cleaned and then put it on a huge polaroid wall. I have a little collection of me 'roiding in a dentist chair. My dentist was basically too cool for school).

Seeing pictures of me like this made me realize that even though I may never have skinny legs again, I can at least have bangs. I can be one step closer to hipness! One step closer to emulating my indie rock idols with bangs:

Chan Marshall!

Jenny Lewis!

Tennessee Thomas!

So last week, when I went to my hair stylist and she asked me what I wanted, I said,
"Little kid bangs! Even though I've been told that they won't look good..."
"Don't worry sweet haht," she said, "We can make it work."
"Aren't they high-maintenance?" I worried.
"They ah, but you can handle them, sweet haht."
"I'll try, Cathy!"

Here is the result:

These first three pictures are still from when my hair was salon-fresh, still nice and smooth.

(By the way, this is me experimenting with an AA shirt, trying to see if it can be worn fashionably backwards.[Oohh! The V will be in the back!] Experiment results : It can't).

The only problem is, the actualy cut is a little shorter than I'd like. I feel like I have doll hair or something. I usually just wear it up in a pony tail. I love the bangs, but I can't wait for the rest of it to grow out. On the bright side, I can definitely wear cutesy bows in my hair now:

Or I'll decide not to look stupid, and just wear it like this.

What do you think?

Beef: Memory.

2008-09-17T17:13:00.000-07:00

For some reason, so much of my memory is linked with what I was wearing at the time. For my first day of high school I wore this amazing collaged face tshirt of King Lear from the Globe Theater in London. My first night in boston I was wearing a black cardigan with a black skirt, black tights, my first pair of boots (black suede, knee-high) and a stonewashed blue tank top with an odd little shell print.
I don't know where the cardigan or the tank top is, or the t shirt. And it drives me crazy. Every few months I remember some piece of clothing I can't find and it sends me into a riot of torture: where could I have put it?? How can i possible not know where it is?? It's not like i go dropping items of clothing on the street. There's this red-tones bib dress from UO that wore once that I just have no idea where it is. Last week I'd thought of something else, but now I can't remember. These memory lapses are what drive me to insanity. They make me feel like I don't exist. If I really base memories on pieces of clothing, like files in a filing cabinet, the mysterious disappearance of them - without a trace - destroys my only tangible representation of that memory. I may as well have imagined it. I suppose I have a beef with memory; it's abstractness, it's lack of proof, it's complete unreliability, the way it absolutely refuses to document anything; its chaos. It scares me.

So I used to wear heels in middle school. Ridiculous heels, four inches tall (this was when I was of middle school stature myself). I never had trouble with them, I never found them difficult to wield. Perhaps it was my significant calf strength at the time from paper routes. I never noticed then how much of your calf is involved in the heel-wearing process. It's definitely on the front lines of heel campaigns.
But for some reason, I stopped. There was nary a heel to be seen on my foot all through high school and you can imagine my delight when - sometime in my sophomore year - the flat fad took off at an alarming and crazed rate. Still, though, it bothers me that I don't have heels. I feel clunky and insecure at a time in my life when I should be lightyears past the insecurities of middle school, a time when I did manage to wear heels. I think they actually look quite nice; it's not a aesthetic choice.
In conclusion, the time has come.
I feel like it will be a lot like wearing skinny jeans for the first time. You feel absolutely repugnant and ridiculous, bloated and comedic, like an imposter and a desperado all at the same time. But you adapt.

It will be difficult for me to select the right heel for this momentous occasion. Do I want to start small? Or just jump right in and give up my addiction to flats, as it were, 'cold turkey'? I've always imagined that if i became addicted to something I'd have to give it up cold turkey. Too much of the rest of my life exists in a liminal state, I don't know if I'd survive the fight through yet another.

This will be a lot like selecting the One. Like Neo in the matrix. Which heel will lead me to self-fulfillment? Which heel will open new vertical doors of actualization for me? Which heel can I pull off? Which heel will be a representation of all the other heels I've missed out on over the years? Which heel is my destiny heel?

You know, this investment of important abstract things in very unimportant material items is probably what got me into this existential mess I like to call 'Natalie's 16-present'.

What do you think?

Music Videos Part 1: Movies

2008-09-05T19:08:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite things to do on the internet is to watch music videos on youtube. I think this is because I did not grow up in a household with cable television, which meant no MTV. No MTV meant no music videos (even though MTV doesn't play music videos anymore). To my delight, it is always fun when I find a music video that pays homage a film that I enjoy. Some might think it lacks new creativity, but I find it cool if the memembers of I band I like also like the same movies I do.

The Decemberists, "Sixteen Military Wives": Rushmore
The Decemberists + Rushmore + a political message = epitomy of awesome. I believe I first saw this music video on Pitchforkmedia.com 'Best Music Video' lists. It's an obvious rip off of Rushmore. I remember the writer for the article's response to that was, more things should rip-off Rushmore. I couldn't agree more.

Chris Walla, "Sing Again": The Life Aquatic
Like many people, I absolutely love Death Cab for Cutie. With that said, I do NOT like Chris Walla solo. This song does not sit with me well, and this music video is extremely annoying. I think part of it is the obvious homage to the Life Aquatic Team Zissou costumes, but what made the Team Zissou uniforms so interesting is that they were all subtely different to fit each character. It is obvious in this video that it's the same stupid had and ugly blue shirt. I understand they don't have a large budget, but then they shouldn't have even tried. Ugh, just ugh. I also don't like the concept of everyone singing. Am I overreacting? This is the only video that I'm going to talk about that I don't like. Moving on...

The Shins, "Phantom Limb": Rushmore

These plays are directed by Max Fischer. Seriously!

Stars, "Your Ex-Lover Is Dead" - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Sigh, I love Stars. I love Eternal Sunshine. People laying down on cracked ice, definitely Eternal Sunshine. Stars' song could have very easily been in the soundtrack to the movie, but they did the next best thing and put the movie into their song. And that time you thought I was sad, I was trying to remember your name.

Nostros: A Lyrical Tale of Ghosts, Daydreams, and Happy Endings.

2008-09-03T14:07:00.000-07:00

I sent my delightful friends Scott and Brooke a mixed cd last week that, I must say, broke a few of my mixed cd rules. It's ridiculous how I have rules for mixed cds, and, indeed, mixed cds in general! It's as if I'm 12 years old, watching Say Anything, and wishing I lived in the 80s. Goodness, sometimes, I annoy myself.

Anyway, despite all my attempts at self control, I've enclose the track list for your perusal. If you were to choose one song that doesn't seem to fit, which would it be and would you consider it's odd-ball-ness in this musical smorgasborg to be complimentary and whimsical, like a cherry on a chocolate-sprinkled, chocolate-frosted chocolate cake, or revolting and jarring, like a cockroach in a Chinese chicken salad? Cause I've thoughts about the first question, and hold reserves regarding the second.

1. Inside: Bang Gang
2. Pocketful of Money: Jens Lekman
3. Metal Heart: Cat Power
4. Pills: The Perishers
5. Rose Parade: Trappers Cabin
6. Sweet and Low (Acoustic): Augustana
7. I See You, You See Me: The Magic Numbers
8. Breathe Me: Sia
9. Melt Your Heart: Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins
10. Hallelujah: Jeff Buckley
11. Ride: Cary Brothers
12. Fade Into You: Mazzy Star
13. I Thought You Said Summer ...: Hello Saferide
14. Paperweight: Schuyler Fisk and Joshua Radin
15. Northwestern Girls: Say Hi To Your Mom
16. Such a Lonely Soul: Anna Ternheim
17. The Origin of Love (Hedwig cover): Rufus Wainwright
18. Love to Love: Djali Zwan

You Don't Know Me!

2008-09-03T09:56:00.000-07:00

No, I didn't get mad at Malery again, it's a name of a new song that you should listen to. Natalie, since you've never lived with me what you don't know about me is when there is a new song that I really like, I play it over and over and over again. Maybe you knew that anyway?

Anyway, yesterday I was in the car with my mom and we turned on one of the independent college radio stations, and this song came up. This is my new song on repeat. I instantly recognized that it was Ben Folds, but I was surprised when I looked up the song and found out it was a collaboration with Regina Spektor. Her voice isn't distinctive until the very end of the song.

The music video is an unofficial user submitted music video, iPod commericial style. I hope you like it.

Bumbershoot

2008-09-02T12:00:00.000-07:00

There were many things I was expecting to do while I was in Seattle: get over caffienated with coffee, fill my suitcase with new clothes (something Krupa made fun of me for), and go to the Space Needle. I was not, however, expecting to go to Bumbershoot, the annual music and arts festival that takes place in Seattle every year over Labor Day weekend. I didn't even know the festival existed until I arrived in the Emerald City. Even better, Krupa was able to score free tickets ($100 value) from her work...sweet!

Bumbershoot takes place in the Seattle Center, so while you're rocking out you're in the shadow of the Space Needle and the Experience Music Project (a building designed by Frank Gehry [ which by the way, evertime I now hear Frank Gehry's name, I think of Clark Duke saying 'Is this a Gehry?' from Clark and Michael and I laugh and laugh]).

Since Bumbershoot is a three day festival lasting from Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, and I was only able to go on Saturday because I left for home on Sunday, Krupa and I tried to make the most of the festival. We tried to see a wide variety of artists:
-Neko Case (Yay! One artist I can cross off my 'Need to see' list, but I wish she could have performed at least ONE New Pornographers song, but I guess that is against the rules)
-Barcelona (a piano driven 'emo' band, who were okay. I felt like a babysitter at Warped Tour , with the average age of the audience being like 16...also it's depressing to see 16 year olds who have more hip style than I ever will).
-Lucinda Williams (I then felt young in this crowd, with the average age being 40. Krupa and I didn't stay long because we weren't into her music)
-Estelle (an R&B British singer who was really funny commentary. After she'd sing a song about an ex-boyfriend she'd be like "I'm SOO over that shit! So over!" and repeatedly urged people to have sex but "Be safe, be safe, be SAFE!"
-Band of Horses (I tried to call you during The Funeral! I really did! Also they surprising sounded kind of country on some songs)
-Beck (I'm not a huge fan, but there was no denying it was a good concert. He also had a cute, classy looking female guitarist, which made me envious)
but the great discovery of the festival for me was
-Thao with the Get Down, Stay Down

Thao with the Get Down, Stay Down is band I really wish you could have seen live. She had the cute girl rockstar thing going on. You know, cute dress with bangs, sipping a cup of beer while singing indie pop with lyrics that are darker than they seem, the front woman in a band full of boys. Her voice isn't as syrupy sweet or innocent sounding as I prefer with my indie girl singers, but I really enjoyed the music.You would have definitely been depressed. Before you get too sad, please check out her music video, lomo style.

It is hard not to get overwhelmed at a festival like this, and I had to quickly get over that I was not going to be able to see everyone I wanted to see (Nada Surf, !!!, AND M. Ward playing the same time as Beck? Ahhh!! Also, apparently David Cross was doing stand-up somewhere..) and how I should NOT have even LOOKED at the line up for Sunday and Monday (I am missing Tapes N' Tapes, Sons and Daughters, Ingrid Michaelson, Dan Deacon and Death Cab?! AHHHH)

Overall, it was one of the highlights of my trip to Seattle, and I wish you could have been there. I promise to do another Seattle post once I load all my pictures.

Say Hi (to your mom)

2008-09-02T02:11:00.000-07:00

Rue, this is for you, two days ago. When you were a Northwestern Girl and when I was listening to it and weeping.

Paradise

2008-09-02T02:00:00.000-07:00

September.

The death of life. When the sun boils down onto mortals, who shield themselves with fragile hands, feeling the flesh burn away in the face of divinity. When only one thought permeates through one's head:

Why the hell don't I have an air conditioner?

September 2, Honolulu, HI, temperature forecast: 84-90, with humidity climbing.

Uck. Welcome to paradise.